To the Lonely Christian

    I can't even begin to tell you the amount and diversity of emotions I've felt this month. I've been watching and praying for friends dealing with unimaginable tragedy. I got to greet the newborn of other friends, and rejoice in their new blessing. And I've been tediously plugging away working in the Wal-Mart bakery. All of this coming on the heels of one of the hardest years of my life, looking into one of the most hope-filled and exciting year to come.

     All the while, I've been praying about my struggle with loneliness. Looking back it's quite clear to see that I've come quite a ways. Bad feelings that have faded with time. But it is still there. Haunting. And friends, I don't have an answer. (Probably not what you were hoping to hear). That sinking feeling that I won't get to experience God's institution of marriage. Or that I'll never be able to stay in a strong, Christ-centered, and caring community.

     I don't want to give you over-used and hollow cliches. I don't want to try to make things seem like it will all turn out okay and your dreams will come true. Because I honestly don't know. I don't know if the feelings will ever go away, if they will be strange occurrences instead of the norm. I don't know that your tragedy will be redeemed in a way you will get to see. I don't know. Charles Spurgeon struggled with depression from his 20s until he died at the age of 57.

     But. (I love that word). But God is not idle in your loneliness. He actually cares how you feel. (That fact continually blows my mind). And He is at work in your heart, and I am confident that He is using you, even in this lower state.

     And that's kinda all I got. I don't have any stunning revelation, I don't have a list of tips. All I know is that the cross will ALWAYS be enough. Brother, sister, when you are at your weakest, when the darkness keeps smothering the light, when you don't want to face tomorrow, look at the cross. I can promise you that seeing Jesus bear the weight of your evil will always give you grace for the moment.

"My sin, Oh the bliss
Of this glorious thought
My sin, Not in part
But the whole
Is nailed to the cross
And I bear it no more
Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord, Oh my soul"

-Horatio Spafford
"It is Well" Verse 3

Faith

"Foolishness. Absolute foolishness! Look, I'm not questioning your belief in Jesus. He's great. He saved you, and you want to 'live for Him'. And I even understand wanting to go into the ministry you're in. But moving to a new town with no regular income, no savings, no set plan to get a regular job, no life experience on your own, volunteering all your hours, just because you think God told you to go? Are you stupid? This is irresponsible! You can't live like this, it doesn't work that way. Look man, I'm not against trusting God, but are you really willing to put yourself so far out there? Everything could completely collapse! This is real life. Grow up. Are you really going to expect God to take care of what you're going to eat, car insurance, give you a place to sleep, etc? There's no reason to be so radically dependent on God."

These weren't the words of an unbeliever, or an elder Christian, or a conservative Christian. They were my own. I had this conversation with myself and wondered if what I was doing was foolish. Indeed, it all does seem kind of foolish. I mean, who would get up and go when they had no idea where their next meal would come from, or how they would be taken care of?

Right now, I have miscellaneous change around my room and my car adding up to roughly 50 cents, and 90 cents left in my bank account. Yet I have enough food to last me a couple weeks, a bed to sleep in, cell service to keep in touch with people, and somehow a peace that God will provide. Even if I were to die destitute, I'd die in peace, knowing I was living obediently by sharing and equipping children with the Good News of Jesus Christ.

However, having gas in my car is a luxury that is a bit more necessary. Because of IRS laws, CEF policy, and other factors, when people send support to my CEF account I don't automatically begin receiving wages. Right now I am only reimbursed for my expenses, working as many hours as I wish. When I raise enough support (Which I'm very close) I will be able to do ministry 10 hours a week. The problem is, if I am working 10 hours a week, I cannot volunteer any extra hours. (Although I don't want to diminish the importance of the people who do give that way, as it will soon be my main source of income) When Summer comes, that greatly diminishes my ability to be effective. I am praying that God would raise up people to partner through personal gifts, and their gifts would see me through to the end of Summer, when I can cut back on hours without sacrificing quite so much ministry, and if necessary I will have time to find other ways to supplement my income. (i.e. get an additional part time job)

I pray that God is with you all, and I thank you for your continual prayers.

Joshua Treadway
joshua.treadway@cefofwa.com

Moving on and letting go

Port Angeles. It seems like this town has always been at least a part of my identity. The walks along the Olympic Discovery trail. The seemingly constant overcast sky. Never being outside and not seeing a tree SOMEwhere. Long driveways. Looking out in the yard and seeing deer at least once a week. The pier. French fry-stealing seagulls. Turning my head from the Olympic Mountains and seeing the Strait of Juan De Fuca. All these things that I don't even think about any more. They are just parts of life. But a lot of those things are about to change. Some will stay similar. I'm moving to a new town, not a new state. But familiarity will be gone.
God is calling me so strongly to ministry. He is opening doors and moving me to a new place. And I know that this isn't the last time He will call me to move. It's tough to be a pilgrim, a journeyer. We have this picture perfect idea of home. With a three-bedroom, two-bath house in a nice neighborhood, living close to good friends, being a part of the local softball team, kids play soccer. Being good church members. Maybe there will even be a mission trip or two, to do our part in helping missionaries. Having a beautiful spouse, a few cute children, a dog (certainly not a cat), and everyone stays happy. It really is a nice dream. But we forget that every single one of our blessings don't belong to us. We get this idea that if we work hard we are entitled to whatever we want. But the truth is, when we confess Jesus as Lord, it is our responsibility to humble ourselves and submit to His will. That can be hard. It can mean sacrificing our dreams. It can mean laying down your desire to have a family in order to focus solely on God. It can mean leaving behind your friends and family and becoming a missionary overseas. It can mean selling your possessions and giving that money to the poor. He is seeking you. And that can cost everything you hold dear that isn't Him. Moving away from Port Angeles isn't a big sacrifice for me. Moving that far away from my family is. Moving away from what I know is. Not knowing what's coming is a terrifying prospect.
Sometimes I think of all the ways things could go wrong. I've lost important friendships, what if that happens again? What if I can't make everything work? What if I run out of money? What if I stumble? What if I end up alone? What if?
The thing is, those aren't my problems. God has asked me to follow Him, and to leave my needs in His hands. Yeah, it's scary. If it wasn't we wouldn't need to pray for courage. What is God asking you to do? What's stopping you from doing it? Let go and trust Him.

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.  Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
-The Apostle Paul

Honesty, I'm really afraid to do these blog posts

Which is weird, ever since I was a little kid, I've ALWAYS had something to say. Whether it's a smart-alec retort, an opinion, advice, I'm always ready to run my mouth. And now with a blog I can talk about anything I want! And yet, the more I live life, the more I realize I have less to say. I'm just a scared, anxious, lonely, and really sinful person. I am afraid of what I'm about to do. My trust level in God is nowhere near what it should be. I am moving at the end of the month to a new town, in a new house, by myself. And it stresses me out. There are plenty of moments that I want to curl in a ball under a blanket. Moments where I wonder how it's all going to work out. Moments where my faith is totally shaken and I question everything I believe and I everything I'm doing. Who am I to talk? I'm just a sinner who pretends to have his life together.
But God. You see, all of this isn't actually about me. If it was, I would've quit a long time ago. I can't write these posts for my own sake. God wants me to share my heart and to be authentic with you. He's given me His passion for the children. He's given me His ability share the beautiful Gospel. It's a blessing that is totally and completely undeserved. He's let me see His awesome power to touch lives. And He is good. Even when I am not.
I hope you all can see Him. Making my mess into another one of His Masterpieces.

Hope?

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

  How long must I take counsel in my soul

and have sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;

light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,

  lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”

lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;

my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.

  I will sing to the Lord,

because he has dealt bountifully with me.

-Psalm 13

When you hear the term "A man after God's own heart", what comes to mind? 

Do you picture someone living in perfect peace? Someone who lives a righteous 

life? Someone who faithfully obedient? God uses that phrase to describe David. 

But as we can see from this Psalm, he wasn't always at peace. We certainly 

know he wasn't always righteous or faithfully obedient (See: Bathsheba). 

What does it mean? There are many Psalms like this one where David cries out 

to God.  Hopelessness. Despair. Tears. But, there is still hope. David says he will

rejoice in the Lord's salvation, but I believe that he rejoices through affliction. 

He sings through his tears. It reminds me of Lamentations 3:25-33

25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him.
26 It is good that one should wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.
27 It is good for a man that he bear
    the yoke in his youth.

28 Let him sit alone in silence
    when it is laid on him;
29 let him put his mouth in the dust—
    there may yet be hope;
30 let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
    and let him be filled with insults.

31 For the Lord will not
    cast off forever,
32 but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
    according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
33 for he does not afflict from his heart
    or grieve the children of men.

Soda pop

I was sitting in the lobby of the Sequim High school auditorium last night, waiting for my siblings to finish rehearsals. I had been practicing my Ukulele to pass the time, and about an hour and a half through the rehearsal, I heard a voice call my name. Mrs. Cowan, a mom to some of the other kids in the play, and a friend from the home-school co-op said to me, "we're headed out to get dinner. Do you need anything?" I stammered for a bit as my brain was waking up from daydreaming. "Umm, I.. guess, umm"
"What kind of Soda do you like?"
"Mountain Dew"
"Alright, we'll back in a few minutes"

A few minutes later they returned, and handed me a Mountain Dew. It was an extraordinarily simple gesture. But it encouraged me in a way that I have a hard time describing. Offering a can of soda from was an expression of Christ's love to me, in an unassuming and subtle way. Just a small act of kindness, changed my entire outlook of the day. So, Thank you Mrs. Cowan. Thank you for taking a few moments to ask me what kind of soda I wanted. I truly appreciate it!

Don't underestimate the impact you can have on someone with a can of soda! Show love to others in little ways. Be an expression of Christ. Even if it seems like such a small act, it can impact a person's day, or even a persons life.

God bless!

Living it out

If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?

James 1:15-16

How seriously do we take our Christian responsibility? When we hear about a need in our church, if some is sick, how often do we think, "Oh yeah of course I'll pray for them", and it ends there? Sadly, Christians (myself included) often stop at saying a quick prayer while we're going about our day. We often don't carve out time to visit and encourage. (After all, being sick can be really lonely!) How often do we ask if they need us to pick anything up for them? AND mean that?
Outreach to the lost is the focus of my ministry, but I can't neglect the brothers and sisters around me.

Great Father,
I pray you help me to live out the love you've shown to me. Help me look for opportunities to be a blessing to those around me. Thank you so much for your goodness. In Jesus' name, amen.