Moving on and letting go

Port Angeles. It seems like this town has always been at least a part of my identity. The walks along the Olympic Discovery trail. The seemingly constant overcast sky. Never being outside and not seeing a tree SOMEwhere. Long driveways. Looking out in the yard and seeing deer at least once a week. The pier. French fry-stealing seagulls. Turning my head from the Olympic Mountains and seeing the Strait of Juan De Fuca. All these things that I don't even think about any more. They are just parts of life. But a lot of those things are about to change. Some will stay similar. I'm moving to a new town, not a new state. But familiarity will be gone.
God is calling me so strongly to ministry. He is opening doors and moving me to a new place. And I know that this isn't the last time He will call me to move. It's tough to be a pilgrim, a journeyer. We have this picture perfect idea of home. With a three-bedroom, two-bath house in a nice neighborhood, living close to good friends, being a part of the local softball team, kids play soccer. Being good church members. Maybe there will even be a mission trip or two, to do our part in helping missionaries. Having a beautiful spouse, a few cute children, a dog (certainly not a cat), and everyone stays happy. It really is a nice dream. But we forget that every single one of our blessings don't belong to us. We get this idea that if we work hard we are entitled to whatever we want. But the truth is, when we confess Jesus as Lord, it is our responsibility to humble ourselves and submit to His will. That can be hard. It can mean sacrificing our dreams. It can mean laying down your desire to have a family in order to focus solely on God. It can mean leaving behind your friends and family and becoming a missionary overseas. It can mean selling your possessions and giving that money to the poor. He is seeking you. And that can cost everything you hold dear that isn't Him. Moving away from Port Angeles isn't a big sacrifice for me. Moving that far away from my family is. Moving away from what I know is. Not knowing what's coming is a terrifying prospect.
Sometimes I think of all the ways things could go wrong. I've lost important friendships, what if that happens again? What if I can't make everything work? What if I run out of money? What if I stumble? What if I end up alone? What if?
The thing is, those aren't my problems. God has asked me to follow Him, and to leave my needs in His hands. Yeah, it's scary. If it wasn't we wouldn't need to pray for courage. What is God asking you to do? What's stopping you from doing it? Let go and trust Him.

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.  Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
-The Apostle Paul

Honesty, I'm really afraid to do these blog posts

Which is weird, ever since I was a little kid, I've ALWAYS had something to say. Whether it's a smart-alec retort, an opinion, advice, I'm always ready to run my mouth. And now with a blog I can talk about anything I want! And yet, the more I live life, the more I realize I have less to say. I'm just a scared, anxious, lonely, and really sinful person. I am afraid of what I'm about to do. My trust level in God is nowhere near what it should be. I am moving at the end of the month to a new town, in a new house, by myself. And it stresses me out. There are plenty of moments that I want to curl in a ball under a blanket. Moments where I wonder how it's all going to work out. Moments where my faith is totally shaken and I question everything I believe and I everything I'm doing. Who am I to talk? I'm just a sinner who pretends to have his life together.
But God. You see, all of this isn't actually about me. If it was, I would've quit a long time ago. I can't write these posts for my own sake. God wants me to share my heart and to be authentic with you. He's given me His passion for the children. He's given me His ability share the beautiful Gospel. It's a blessing that is totally and completely undeserved. He's let me see His awesome power to touch lives. And He is good. Even when I am not.
I hope you all can see Him. Making my mess into another one of His Masterpieces.